A Tale of Two Do-Nothings in Cancun: Visual Impairment, Fire Tequila, and "Together, Together"

Well, despite the fact that I did not lose an eye in a knife fight, I still wound up being visually impaired during my recent excursion to Cancun. Somewhere in the Carribean Ocean, there is a $400 pair of glasses that I really could use right now. But what do you do? Let's see, I lost them on Wednesday, which of course was the very first day I got down there.

I did manage to pick up a couple of boxes of Cuban cigars from some random dude wandering the beach. It seems that the beach is quite an area for vendors. While I was there, I was offered cigars, vacation packages, watches, necklaces, conch shells, and even "something to make me feel good, like Bob Marley" according to this particular gentleman.

The most random thing probably happened on our way back from Chichen Itza. Our bus stopped at a restaurant to eat, and my brother and I were forced to sit directly across from the worst kind of couple. They were laughing and giggling the entire meal, feeding each other, acting all cute and shit. They were basically unbearable. My brother asked if they were newlyweds because they were acting so gay. They said they were (naturally) on their honeymoon, though they claimed they had been acting like that for years. I told them that they would get tired of that eventually, while actually I was thinking that the dude (who was a fucking douchebag) would probably get tired of her within a week or so. Anyway, after we were forced to have a conversation with them, the lady asks us if my brother and I were together. We said that we were together. So she asks, "Are you guys together together?"

Keep in mind that my brother and I look a lot alike. We're the same build, hair color, etc. Plus, we're both wearing rings which don't match, and we were not acting in the least bit homosexual. So I think that may be the first time someone has ever asked me if I was hooked up with a dude. As dumb as it sounded, we couldn't help but laugh at her before we stabbed her in the eyes.

FYI--Don't drink a half of a cup of tequila with jalapenos in it and pretend it's just a shot. If it takes four to five gulps to get the tequila down, then you probably have too much. Thank you for the Sunday morning hangover, Jose. Good times.

My wife has been putting lotion on my head for the last thirty minutes because my scalp has been itching like a bitch from the sunburn I got while snorkeling. Even though it itches, I'll probably still be wandering around in a few days with what appears to be the worst case of dandruff ever.