THE ANGST IS MOUNTING

It's about 1:00 in the morning CST and I'm sitting at the fucking computer because I can't sleep.

It's kind of a shame, actually. Friday was an okay day, as I was able to hang out with some friends without too much bitterness from the old lady (even when everything was looking otherwise). I caught a nice little buzz on Friday night, and everyone got home safely, etc., etc. Saturday was really the day things started to go downhill.

First of all, I had a significant hangover that morning. While my wife was kind enough to let me sleep it off, I can't say I appreciated the constant attention while she was reaching this decision. Sometimes one just wants to be left alone, particularly when one has a mind-numbing headache.

Probably what set me off immediately was my nephew filling me in on all of the random shit that had been talked about me the following week. The previous weekend I had went to my brother's house to help lay some tile (since no one else knows how to do it)--I thought it would be perfectly fine to give him a hand, right? It's that whole helping the family out and all of that bullshit that most of us tend to be indoctrinated with as we grow up. Unfortunately, my mother was upset that I had spent time working at my brother's house while her house is still under construction/repair. So she spent the majority of the week bitching about how I hadn't done anything at her house in a while, but that I had been to help my brother. That type of attitude generated the following segment in today's blog post:

Things that I would like to say to my mother, but probably won't:

Dear Mom,

1. While it is true that I haven't been working at your house lately, let me remind you that no one else has either. Before you get all up in my shit, please gather everyone who lives in your house in front of a mirror and take a long hard look.
2. Perhaps you should call your other son and ask him why he hasn't been around to help (The answer to this question can be found in #1). And in case you haven't noticed, most of his tools have found their way back to his house. Do I blame him? Not at all. As a matter of fact, I'm jealous.
3. What sense does it make to spend hundreds of dollars on shit that you don't need yet. Call me silly, but buying a pallet of Pergo three years ago was not a good idea, especially when it takes four months to find a better place to put it than the yard.
4. If you're really interested in getting some work done around your house, then perhaps it would be a good idea to stay home. I don't believe that two weeklong trips to Mexico over the next month and a weeklong trip to Louisiana as well really convinces others that this house is your priority. Obviously, church is your priority (which is fine), but don't expect me to bust my ass when everyone's out vacationing. Perhaps you could get your Nazi church friends to come out sometime and pick up a hammer or a drill.
5. I wish that I hadn't put myself in a position of dependence on you for childcare. On second thought, perhaps spending the money towards daycare would have been a better idea, rather than dealing with this shit. Plus, I could load up my tools and go home and not be bogged down by the endless project of remodeling your house.
6. I only work on your house because I'm trying to be a good son, and I want to help you out and make you happy. Talking shit about me helping someone else when they need help certainly makes me question your appreciation. Now I don't feel like doing shit.
7. When my children are both enrolled in school in the fall, life will be good. Perhaps I'll send you a picture of us--you probably won't be seeing us all that frequently when the summer ends.
8. Speaking of summer, I wish to TGLJC that I hadn't invited everyone to go to the beach with my wife and children this August. After the beating that was Memorial Day where we were miserably stuck in a enormously depressing and anti-fun environment, I regret it immensely. The only people who I wanted to hang out with are not going, leaving only the people who do nothing but talk shit about those who aren't there. And if it is true that you guys expect my wife and I to do all of the cooking for everyone all week long, then we are going to have a good time. I would love to back out of this, but once again, my obligations because of my children put me in a difficult predicament. But just for the record, my wife and I are seriously trying to come up with a good reason not to go. Thanks for ruining my fucking vacation.
9. If you think that we will be joining you guys for July 4th then you should probably think again. While I may be down briefly to see my brother from Tennessee, that's about the extent of it. Luckily, I have school the next day, and my wife will be working, so at least we have an excuse.
10. I can't even count the number of times I've looked around your house today and thought "WTF?" about various things.
11. You guys have ruined a perfectly good dog. When it arrived here a few months ago, it was a really nice, well-behaved animal. Now it's just starved for attention because the only thing anyone ever says to it is "Move, dog" as they're shuffling in the house. It's embarrassing.
12. I could go on and on, but it wouldn't matter anyway. Perhaps I'm just bitter because I hate people talking shit about me behind my back. I can't wait to have a reason never to come back to this shitty little town.

I told you it was angsty, didn't I.