I never thought I would be sitting here, alone
The sunlight tries to creep in past the edge of the blinds,
and I draw the curtain over it and tug twice, release,
then wait for the light to make another charge.
Luckily, the assault fails and I walk across the room,
Slide down the wall and into the corner.

I never thought I would be sitting here, alone
The memories of yesterday, of this morning, of last year
are mixed-up, they convince me to finish what I started.
I've sucked down the entire bottle of rum,
and I look at it, its solidness, its emptiness.
It, like me, was full once, but now life has sucked us both dry.
I twirl it with my index finger and it drones lazily as it rotates.
It rattles in the corner with the myriad of other used bottles.

I never thought I would be sitting here, alone
My shoulders sitting uncomfortably against the textured walls.
I stare around at the clutter which surrounds me,
unable to remember it differently, it had been so long.
Piles of fast food brown bags, trays from Chinese delivery,
White plastic sacks from the liquor store are beside my hand.
I take a deep breath. I exhale.

I never thought I would be sitting here, alone
I think about when things went wrong, where they went wrong.
I laugh in my drunken stupor and stretch my legs,
My shoe-less feet pushing and rattling the empty beer bottles.
I thought there would be music, something dark and angsty,
Something in the background, something proper,
But now I don't have the energy to get back up.
I take a deep breath to relax. To calm down.

I never thought I would be sitting here, alone
I'm amazed by the sensations which I have discovered:
The dry, slippery feel of it on my ears and face.
My vision appears blurred, yet it's not.
The pizza boxes, all delivery, I can no longer make out,
They have become a mass of anonymous brown
In a spinning room.
My hands are no longer of any use to me.
The click behind my back is done.
The tape surrounds my neck.
I take a deep breath to relax.
I exhale and my glasses fog up.

I never thought I would be sitting here, alone.
I panic, like I knew I would, but it's of no use.
My hands are stuck, my legs too inebriated to move.
I scream in the empty apartment,
but now no one can hear me.
I roll over, I twist, my legs jerk, bottles break.
My breathing is ragged, my lungs torn.
I regret for a moment as I breathe my own breath.

I never thought I would be sitting here, alone.
But I am.
At least for a little while.