Fulfillment, comfort, and filling voids --life in modern America: Volume 2

This post should try to do a couple of different things. First of all, it should continue yesterday's discussion about the positives of marriage. Secondly, it will compare and contrast views spewed by Little E who obviously has a completely different perspective. I didn't plan on using word for word, but it seemed easier. Sorry, E.

I think I would like to start by noting some of the obvious problems with E's conclusions.

"There's nothing like being able to be in pajamas all day, hair up in a ponytail sans makeup, and yet someone else looks forward to coming home to you at the end of the day. The need to impress becomes totally unnecessary."

For who? For you or the spouse? Maybe what they really want is to come home to their beautiful mate who has fixed themselves up, not for everybody else in the world, but for them. I think there is a fine line between what we consider comfortable and what they might consider lazy. I, too, enjoy walking about the house wearing my pajamas and houseshoes, though I don't have the ability to ponytail or the cosmetic know-how to be made-up. The need to impress is certainly no longer a daily factor, but I often wonder if it is just because we no longer give a shit. We don't want to have to impress. So we don't. But I'm not sure if comfort is the right answer.

"marriage usually ends up to be a great financial benefit for both parties involved."

Nonsense. Marriage usually winds up being a 'great financial benefit' on one person, and a financial burden to the other. I speak from experience on both sides of the fence. Earlier in my marital career when I was the breadwinner, it was up to me to ensure that all bills were paid, the rent was up-to-date, and all of the other things that we needed were provided for. At that time, my wife was making next to nothing as a waitress. I was making about thirty, she was making about five. It was a headache.
Nowadays, I am the financial burden, though I would argue that I could probably manage just as well financially if I were single. Perhaps even more so. And let's not even bring the financial cost of raising kids into the equation.

"There's always the comfort of simply having another living body there for those times when cuddling and other such things may have the rare opportunity of manifesting themselves."

Again, we see the disparity between the female mind and the male's. First of all, men do not want to cuddle. Cuddling for us is simply a rather long and uneventful form of foreplay, one which only rarely leads to the good kind of interpersonal activity. Generally, it is viewed as a way of being lurched on, of being annoyed whenever we are trying to watch some sporting event on television. It usually involves a woman lying her head on my stomach so that I have trouble breathing or putting feet which are suffering from hypothermia anywhere on my body. Cuddling should be left to mothers and their children.

"Likewise, marriage affords people the fact that there is always someone to watch TV with, someone willing to listen to your papers for grad school, someone to be bored and do nothing with."

I would certainly agree with that last bit. But I am not quite eloquent enough to paint such a pretty picture of boredom.

"There is no other feeling than knowing that someone else has 100% of all their emotional, physical, and other such -al words invested in you."

You can either see this as a huge positive or a potential drawback. With investments such as these, it is easy to see why many marriages end with such strong bitterness. It is not practical to invest 100% of a person's emotions into someone else, mainly because, when it boils right down to it, most people are not worthy of that trust. People are by nature evil creatures. To pretend that living for someone else is a good thing borders on insanity. Likewise, to be the one who is the recipient of this devotion brings a great deal of pressure and stress with it as well. You know that anything you do could immediately send their life spiraling out of control, even though you assume them to be rational people. In this case then, sacrifices are often made which help create the illusion that everything is hunky-dory, when in fact, things may be turning to shit. The pressure to be the A+ wife or the good husband due to this knowledge generally creates a certain reluctance to be completely honest with one another.

"Marriage takes a lot of work and the probability of making it work is, I believe, extremely achievable."

Generally, the odds of getting divorced are roughly the same as staying married. It is 'achievable', but it is also ridiculous. People change over time, and these changes are not always compatible. What someone may have once seen as stable and comfortable too often winds up boring and passionless. That man or woman that once made your heart beat fast may now just give you heartburn and a sinking feeling in your stomach. But then again, this is coming from someone who has been playing this marital game for over eight years now, so what the fuck do I know? Maybe I just like bitching about shit that I have no right to bitch about. Or maybe I've become disenchanted with the idea of the happily ever after that we all learned as children.

Marriage is: what's for dinner, and did you pay the mortgage yet? It's have the kids taken a bath and do we need toilet paper? It's can I get some money for this or can I buy one of those? It's not glamorous or exciting. As a matter of fact, it's rather dull and boring. It's what two people do whenever they've found that perfect person (which doesn't exist) or when they feel like they can't do any better. Or when they're just tired of looking.

Oh, well. Chew on that for a while, kiddos.