It's almost three in the morning . . .
There's very few things I hate worse than going to bed and staring at the fucking clock for an hour. I feel like I should be asleep, but all I'm doing is laying there, shifting position from time to time, watching the numbers on the alarm clock getting bigger and bigger. I just want to sleep at this point, though I really have no one to be mad at but myself. That's what I get for sleeping until 11:00 or 12:00 everyday this week. The later I sleep, the later I get up. The later I get up, the later I go to bed. The later I go to bed, well . . . you've probably figured out this cycle by now. FUCK!!
So I get my tired ass back out of bed, fix me a meaty fucking rum and coke (the kind that makes you grimace when you taste it), and I'm sitting back in front of this goddamn computer, listening to the Cranberries. I probably should have joined the crowd tonight--it seemed like everyone else was out getting fucked up, but I didn't because . . .well, I just didn't. As I lay in bed, I thought about writing a piece on the good things about being married, mainly for T's benefit, but also to contrast the piece I posted earlier. Maybe tomorrow or next week, though. I'm not really feeling all warm and fuzzy right now. More cantankerous than anything else. Not bitter, though.
Which brings me to an interesting point:
For some reason, many people have designated me as a "bitter" person and wrongfully so. I think that bitter would imply that I walked around mad at the world, which I obviously do not. The dictionary in my house lists bitter as as someone "marked by anguished resentfulness or rancor." I don't consider myself anguished, resentful, or bearing ill-will towards anyone. I know the first thing T would say to this is "if it weren't true then why would you be defending yourself?" Two reasons: first of all I'm awake with nothing else to fucking do; secondly, I believe accuracy is important when labeling people. From now on, please only refer to me as cynical, realistic, discontented, cross, or disgruntled. Any of these will do.
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Oh, and I did manage to get the midterm done, so I guess that's something. Good luck to the rest of you guys.
posted by Jeremy @ 2:41 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Hmmm...what about words such as jaded, weary, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, realistic, and forlorn?
Do you have a preference?
I already used realistic. You have to come up with another unflattering adjective.
Disenchanted, discouraged, sardonic, practical.
Yes, those seem appropriate. Though practical may not always fit.
Geraldo,
Unless you have also been married for nearly a decade, it may be hard to fathom why anyone would appear so insensitive. Unfortunately, that is the bleak reality of life.
Plus, it was one hell of a game.
Dude, we are all fucking bitter. Thats life. It beats you down. I also would like to see the "good points of marriage" by Jeremy. I very rarely get to hear that side.
I also do not say "if it weren't true then why would you be defending yourself?" I merely point out that if you feel self conscious enough to defend yourself, especially if you bring the subject up yourself without prompting, it is...interesting. Especially when you feel the need to defend your non-bitterness late in the evening instead of sleeping. For the record I would say you are more jaded or dissatisfied.
This the best way I can explain the my "defending yourself a little too vigorously" theory: It is like being cool or not. If your cool your cool, you either are or you aren't, no need for discussion, but if you have to say your cool or defend your coolness well...
A quick note on Geraldo:
Who is he to judge your marriage? Tell him to eat shit, and mind his own business. Fucking Canadians. They are almost as bad as the French.
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