One more week of hell

There is only one more week of hell. I've got one more paper to write--when asked about specific length in class on Thursday, he refused to give us a limit or minimum--I'm thinking 10-12 pages. And it's going to be over Hemingway, so it should be pretty fucking good. At the same time, I'm getting a little down in that the school year is coming to an end, and all of my friends from school are going to be distant memories soon. More on that later . . .

Another bunch of randomness, simply because it's easier than putting together anything focused:

• I just came home from the dentist, and only half of my mouth will move. I look like a very young yet unfortunate stroke victim. I think I've got about two more hours before it wears off. My biggest fear is that I will accidentally bite my cheek or tongue just before I lie down for a nap, and then inadvertently choke to death on my own blood as I'm sleeping.
• Much props to Amanda and her mother, simply for introducing the world to this phrase: "Elvis died so you could live." The religious undertones are fantastic. I also like the idea of Elvis as the Christ-figure.
  
• I loaned A Confederacy of Dunces (John Kennedy Toole) to my brother today. If you've never read it, you're missing out on a hysterically funny Pulitzer Prize-winning novel. Like all great artists, Toole's life ended tragically (suicide)--this occurred well before his book was ever published. So when you read about me in the paper, please scavenge my home for a manuscript (or check my car like Camus)--there will be a great piece of fiction around. I guarantee it.
• I did not have a great morning, though. I went to Commerce to pick up some paperwork. While there, I was going to a book giveaway on campus that had been advertised on the university library's website. Upon my arrival, I was told that students were not being allowed to enter. WTF? I emailed someone about it because it kind of pissed me off--I'll let you know what I find out.
• Mowing the yard is not a good time.
• Edging is about 10 times worse than mowing.
• During the Suns-Lakers game on TNT, they kept running an add for a money clip (only $19.95!!). One of the testimonials showed a lady who said something to the effect of: "All those rubberbands on my husband's wallet are really unsightly." Again, WTF? I don't know any man that puts rubberbands on the outside of his wallet to hold it closed. When it gets to that point, you should probably clean the fucking thing out. By the way, the clip is designed to hold up to 30 bills and 8 credit cards. No word yet on condoms.
• Most women I know would argue that ass-sex is great . . . if you're an ass, mule, donkey, or other such equestrian type mammal. Otherwise, not so much. This often causes confusion among men, as the porn movies always seem to rate it as such a highly enjoyable experience . . . [Also the reason I would rather die than go to prison--would not be a good time for me--too little, too tasty . . . (shiver)]
  
• Still need to go to Half-Price. Maybe next week.
• First place Texas Rangers.
• The condom line earlier reminded me of a comment the Goose made at lunch one day (when he would hang out and not be embarrassed of us). Somehow we were talking about condoms and someone had made a comment on different sizes, magnums, etc. Out of nowhere, the Goose responded that he thought that "the really big ones are the only ones they made." It was pretty funny, plus he got some phone numbers out of it, too. Party on, Goose.
  
• I started reading Their Eyes Were Watching God today at the dentist's office. The copy I have is a used paperback (sigh). Apparently the previous reader enjoyed reading closely. Very closely. Every time there is a metaphor being used, she writes "METAPHOR" in huge letters. She has also underlined almost every sentence in the text and made some sort of useless notation nearby. People like this should be shot in the stomach and left to die a slow and agonizing death.